Wisdom, Or Something that Resembles It

Do you ever have days where you ask yourself the following questions:

1. Why does my life suck so much?
2. What am I doing wrong because nothing is going right?
3. How do I adult?

Yesterday I had one of those days. You work and work and put yourself fully into something and often, it feels like you're being led on by the popular boy in school. I guess that is what I can compare it to the most. Whether you don't feel fulfilled in a friendship or in your career, it can most easily be compared to being led on by a crush that is fully aware of your feelings for him or her. 

In high school, I would put myself completely out there for a crush. Yes, I can drive you there. Yes, I can do your pre-calc homework. Yes, I am going to a concert and you can come. I am still that girl. I will do anything for people that I think are really cool and at work, I'll put myself out there for ... people I think are really cool. 

While I know this about myself, it is still hard to realize that I am not always thought of as really cool. That people don't respect and appreciate me or my effort the same way I do for them. 

But at the same time, on days like this I have to put my life in perspective. Five years ago, I broke up with a boyfriend because the relationship was toxic. Instead of taking the break up well, I decided that I didn't want to be alone... ever. I went out every night and drank beer every night and gained 20 pounds pretty quickly. I was terrified of being me because I hadn't known me in a long time. Now, 5 years later, I know myself and I also know that I don't have to drink in order to be numb to feeling feelings. I'm grateful for that. I know that I have worked really hard to get to this point and it isn't anyone's fault if they don't also know this about me. 

Often, you need to be able to validate yourself in the absence of validation from a romantic relationship or a boss or even your parent. Make the choices that you want to make. Embrace the life that you have made for yourself. This also means that you have to embrace the consequences of choices that you make instead of making excuses. I had to type that so I could remember it now. Every day lessons are learned and put in to practice as soon as they can be. Be brave. Be encouraged. Keep learning. Continue being awesome. Do things because YOU want to do them.  

I think everything will work out. I hope everything will work. I don't know if it's God's will or a person's ambition or just timing but I have to believe that it will work out for the best. Even on days when everything sucks. 

This may be just ramblings of a currently frustrated person but hopefully it's backed by a little wisdom from a girl who lost herself and had to find herself and now has to remind herself that things get better.

Have a happy hump day and hopefully we've all learned something in the past week to make us better humans.

xoxo,

Liz